Limbaugh Announces New Fragrance

Conservative radio talker Rush Limbaugh has taken one step further in creating a full-fledged lifestyle brand by announcing the launch of a new fragrance called “Rush.” The musky, some might say musty, scent with a hint of cinnamon and black powder will make its debut at gun shows across the country this fall.

“A signature fragrance is simply a must-have for any lifestyle brand, and Rush Limbaugh is no different,” said Mr. Limbaugh’s Brand Manager, Chandler Duckenbill.

“When I came on board, Rush sold the usual assortment of books, tapes, and coffee mugs. I told him straight out, ‘Boyfriend, if going to work with you, I must be allowed to do my magic without any interference,'” Mr. Duckenbill recalled. “Of course, Rush struck me. Right here, on the cheek. But it was a good kind of violent outburst. Ralph Lauren often hit me. And don’t get me started about Donna Karan. Rush was very sorry, of course, and instructed his secretary to apologize to me.”

After a rocky start to their relationship, Mr. Duckenbill said that he began lining up licensing deals to lay the groundwork for the Limbaugh brand. “We started with blousy shirts and action pants, but soon we added belts, wallets, and shoes. Rush loves his leather.”

Other accessories followed, including cigar cutters and pinky rings. “I have to admit that Rush had a good idea for a ring with a secret compartment large enough to hold a OxyContin tablet, but you didn’t hear that from me,” Mr. Duckenbill said.

“What I just love about Rush Limbaugh is that you get two brands for the price of one,” Mr. Duckenbill continued. “We see the Limbaugh label as a little more downmarket. But when I say ‘Rush,’ what do you think of? I mean, other than that Canadian rock band with that annoying high-pitched singer and pretentious lyrics. Tell it to the moose, boyfriend!”

The Rush label, Mr. Duckenbill said, is reserved for higher-end goods. “We also used it for the car interior we designed for a limited edition of the Hummer. That vehicle looked utterly hideous. Loud. Vulgar. It said ‘Ugly American.’ No, it actually says that on the mud flaps. In other words, it was just absolutely wonderful.”

Mr. Duckenbill said that a number of other projects are in the works. “We’re thinking there’s room in the financial sector. Limbaugh credit swap derivatives. Something like that. Nothing too fancy. We’re also likely to open a few boutiques in cities like Birmingham, Alabama. Eventually Rush would like to take over a third-world country. From there, boyfriend, who’s to say?”

via Limbaugh Announces New Fragrance.

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